Surprise!
by Ravenietta
Summary: Nobody honestly expected this, least of all Rick Riordan.


_ It could happen._

_ Warning: all the characters, especially Percy, will be OOC in this story. Actually, mostly just Percy._

_ I love the Percy Jackson books, so don't think I'm bashing this, because I…am, but I still love the series. Does that make sense? Don't you love a good parody? This was just something I __had__ to do. _

_ Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians or The Heroes of Olympus. _

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Last on The Lost Hero…

_"My boyfriend," Annabeth said grimly. "He disappeared around the same time Jason appeared. If Jason came to Camp Half-Blood-"_

_ "Exactly," Jason agreed. "Percy Jackson is at the other camp, and he probably doesn't even remember who he is…"_

Everyone in the room adopted similar expressions of mingled concern, shock, and in Clarisse's case, unbridled glee. Annabeth looked near tears herself, the nasty truth already having sunk in a few moments ago. Seymour decided at this inappropriate moment to lick his chops, and then released an almighty burp.

Suddenly, the door flew open and crashed into the wall, knocking a picture frame onto the floor. Glass tinkled, but nobody noticed. Everyone, startled and slightly afraid, stared at the doorway and held their breaths.

It was rather anticlimactic, because nothing happened for about thirty seconds.

Finally, someone sighed beyond the doorway. "Dammit. Don't heroes ever get dramatic music?"

Regardless of his irritation, a tall kid with sooty black hair and grubby clothes staggered in, favoring his left leg. Weary, he collapsed in a conveniently nearby chair, swatting at his sweaty forehead and pushing hair out of his eyes.

"Whew," he wheezed. "That was exhausting. Hydras suck."

"Percy?" Annabeth cautiously, stepping forward, her eyes widened with disbelief. "Is that…is that you?"

"Um, yeah, Annabeth," He stared at her with mild bewilderment. "Last time I checked. Are you okay?"

Normally, Annabeth might've snapped back a reply, but she was too stunned.

He hauled his muddy boots onto the table, splattering everyone's faces with crap and leaning back into his seat. "You guys will never believe what I've been though…"

Without pausing for responses, Percy launched into his story.

"Okay, so it all started a couple days ago. I was almost asleep when I realized hey, there was a smoking hole in the side of my cabin. That kind of stuff tends to wake you up. So I got up, uncapped Riptide, and noticed that my intruder was Blackjack.

"He told me that there was another baby cow serpent/incoming prophecy sacrifice in trouble. I was tired but I got a cup of joe from the coffee machine next to my bed. Maybe it isn't a good idea for me of all people to have access to coffee, but we can worry about that later. Caffeine is essential for the average demigod anyway.

"So I took my sword, my coffee, and an extra sweatshirt, because this crap always seems to be drawn out longer than anyone expects it to last. So I climbed on his back, and we flew out over the ocean. Except Blackjack isn't the greatest with directions, so we ended up flying over Idaho. Don't ask. We landed, and then Blackjack said he needed to go to the little horsie's bathroom. It didn't occur to me that he might've lying until a few hours later…

"So, I didn't really know what to do, but I figured it might be nice to get back to camp, considering I left in the dead of night with my cabin half-destroyed. It might've raised some questions, and I was pretty sure Blackjack wasn't coming back.

"I kinda wandered around for awhile, and long story short, traveled back here by subway, scooter, and giant pig. I went through everywhere from Topeka, Kansas to Denver, Colorado. I faced numerous monsters, including six hydras, a troll (do those even exist in Greek mythology?), Pompona (the Roman Goddess of Plenty), and Medusa. Pompona was pretty wicked, she almost broke my arm with a bronze apple. So yeah, same old, same old.

"I eventually found out Blackjack was working for Kronos, who magically reformed super fast. So I had to defeat him and Blackjack, and while Kronos turned into a pile of _real_ kickass sand (note the sarcasm), I got Blackjack to snap out of it by pouring a bottle of ketchup in his mane. Because apparently, he was under the Imperious Curse all along. Weird, huh?"

The story was half-baked and pretty pathetic, but at the same time, seemed pretty realistic for them. Everyone in the room exchanged looks, eyes frozen with emotion.

Percy yawned, stretched a little, and folded his hands behind his head. Lazily, he surveyed them and said, "So, what did I miss?"

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_ Oh, yeah. The Son of Neptune tomorrow!_

_ ~Retta out!_


End file.
